About two weeks ago I sliced the end of my finger off using a mandolin; a sharp tool used for slicing vegetables, that also works well on flesh if you are foolish enough to put the guard down for that last quick slice.

As I was bleeding profusely I wadded the wound up with paper and shot out the door to the nearest urgent care clinic which happens to be less than five minutes from my house. On arrival, I was asked to wait for registration until it became clear I was going to leave an embarrassingly large pool of blood on the floor. At this point, all forms and cards were magically waived as I walked back to be met by a nurse with a small bucket waiting.

After a quick inspection by both the nurse and a doctor, it was decided that I had managed to give myself an avulsion of the finger and that a pressure bandage and some gel foam was in order. Both were applied and the whole finger was wrapped in Coban tape to presumably stop me from being such an idiot again.

All fixed up, I proceeded back out front and spent the next twenty minutes getting through registration and signing forms as best I could while the other folks, whose queue I had jumped, glared at me with unrestrained hate.

Fast forward three days to my doctor’s office with me sitting on one of those uncomfortably high examination tables; the history of which I will have to research one day when I have a spare twelve or so hours in the ER and a working finger.

My doctor was not terribly impressed with my shenanigans nor was he impressed with the care I had received. He noted that no antibiotics were given, and no x-ray had been taken to make sure I didn’t take the tip of the bone off, apparently a major problem with these kinds of injuries that could lead to problematic outcomes. Order forms were written, a script sent to my pharmacy, and the wound itself was redressed in much more comfortable fashion.

Ten days later things are growing back nicely, and I remain a satisfied patient who essentially paid nothing for several hundred dollars worth of care thanks to the joy of a high deductible plan.

The fingertip was never found.

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